So Many Questions

As I approach week 37 all anyone can talk about is my pregnancy. And it isn't just friends and family. No, it's people on the subway, in the supermarket, on the telephone calling from Iowa because I filled out something at Destination Maternity with my home number on it. Inevitably, it leads to the same basic questions. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE talking about my pregnancy but there are a few questions I am having trouble answering politely as I get bigger and bigger and bigger (not to mention, sweatier).

1) Is the heat bothering you? I hope you have good air conditioning. 

My response: No, it’s not that bad. I mean, it’s hot but everyone is miserable.

What I really want to say:  Of course the damn heat is bothering me. It was the hottest July on record in like ten years and I am carrying a bowling ball in my midsection. Isn’t it bothering you? Thanks for reminding me that I am sweating through my bra yet again today.

2) Why are you carrying  so small? 

My response: Yeah, I guess I am carrying sort of small. I think I’m just carrying spread out rather than in front.

What I really want to say. Thanks for reminding me that at least 10 of the pounds I have gained are in my butt and thighs rather than my uterus. Now that you have fed my paranoid I'm going to have to ask the doctor to measure me again at my next appointment and continue to ask my husband if every other pregnant woman we see on the street looks bigger than me. 

 3) Do you have a name yet?

My response: Yes, we do, but we have decided to keep it a surprise. 

Their response: Great idea! 

What I really want to say: I know you don’t think it is a "great idea" to keep the name a secret because if you did you wouldn’t ask me ten follow-up questions to try to get me to slip-up. Is she named after someone? How did you pick the name? Was it hard deciding? You'll find out on August 25th along with everyone else!